Relationships
LDR: The Long-Distance Relationship
(Original author unknown. Edited by HH, 2003 and KT, 2006)
Many students begin their first year with a significant other who they met in college or in their hometowns. Although they may live miles apart from their loved ones, these students are under the “school doesn’t mean you don’t have to hold up to your part of the bargain” rule. The second type of LDR can be called the long long-distance relationship. When your significant other lives on the opposite side of the state or even in another state (or country), your relationship takes on a whole new set of problems, one of which is the phone bill! However, it can be done, and you are probably not alone.
To be in the fifty percent of LDRs that make it, you have to be in it for the long run. The stress of medical school on top of the stress of the distance will make it quickly apparent if you two were meant for each other. Most of us medical students are relatively young (early twenties, recently out of college), which presents a challenge to the relationships that we establish before med school begins: you WILL change to some extent as med school sucks you in. Your relationship with your significant other, unless they are starting medical school too, will likely suffer.
Some couples will make it through; others will die a slow, painful death. Just remember, if your significant other
can’t deal with you becoming more focused on school, or if you run off with Netter’s and leave them in the dust, it
probably wasn’t meant to be. Better to find out now as opposed to later when a lot of paperwork and legal fees
would be involved. It sounds cheesy, but true love will make it through hard times. Yeah, love stinks, but such is
life.
When you start seeing classmates get together and you start doubting the sanity of a long-distance love interest, just consider one thing: having a local love may be easier, but it is not necessarily better. It is nice to be able to get away from the demands of med school and, yes, sometimes from your fellow classmates. You will get used to seeing the same 140 people day in and day out. The monotony of it all will make you appreciate seeing your boyfriend or girlfriend even more. Don’t lose sight of what is really important to you. Life is more than getting good grades. Also, don’t become too self-absorbed. Your loved one has problems, fears, and concerns just like you. Keep this in mind when you are struggling through your long-distance relationship. Good luck!
Marriage: Just Two
(Original author unknown. Edited by HH, 2003)
I was only married for one month when I began med school. My wife and I had just graduated from college, and she got a job to help keep the med school loans to a minimum. We were together for five years at home and at college, so marriage was not a huge adjustment. On the other hand, moving to Buffalo and starting medical school was a huge adjustment for both of us.
I quickly learned to prioritize my life. I think that every med student does, but a married person does to a different degree. Grades suddenly moved to the lower end of my priority list. This was difficult for me, because I had just graduated with honors, and my grades had always been high. But when it comes to spending time with my wife, she’s more important. I’m in medical school to learn how to be a good doctor, and that doesn’t necessarily mean I have to earn all honors. I started out studying hard, just to make sure that I got off on the right foot. As the year went on, I gradually tapered down the amount of time I spent studying. This was partially because I felt more comfortable with how the professors taught and tested (I love multiple choice), and partially because I just wanted to spend more “quality time” with my wife. I would focus my efforts on things that I didn’t understand, and briefly review things I felt I had a good grasp on. It has worked for me so far. I have received an even mix of “H”s, “HS”s, and “S”s. What is more important to me is that I have someone to come home to every night. I get something from her that the average med student doesn’t see much of (no, not just that!)... praise. When I think that cranial nerves are going to end my career, she reminds me of how proud she is. She’s my cheering squad (fortunately, she also keeps me in clean clothes, pays my bills, and gives me a massage when I really need it.) All in all, my wife helps keep me normal. That can be difficult when you become engrossed in your books.
My key to sanity is to take time off and get as far away from med school as possible. I try to take a lot of nights and weekends off. It usually means that I must do a lot of cramming, but it’s worth it. I find it important to spend time with my friends outside of school. Even if you just get together to eat dinner or watch TV, the time away from school is therapeutic.
My final thought is to remind the married or significantly attached med student that med school is only four years, but love lasts forever. They both take a lot of work, but the rewards are endless.